How to communicate your needs more effectively.

As part of group counselling women in today’s group learned how to refine their communication skills to ensure better results. It is important to remember as you read that these are only suggestions, your personality, your needs, and your listener should all be taken into consideration. Find what fits for you!

Communication skills allow for the effective delivery of your message. Communicating in a healthy manner is essential. If you are experiencing abuse from a partner or another person, these skills may not work.

Safety is always your first priority – make sure that you are safe, don’t try to communicate with someone when they are being abusive rather implement your safety plan. Tell someone that you are being abused and seek help.

Tricks of the trade for Good Communication!

• Maintain eye contact that is non threatening and at ease. Sometimes it helps to look around the room as you talk, but it is important to show your listener that you believe in what you are saying by maintaining healthy eye contact.
• The tone of your voice indicates to your listener your feelings. Try to maintain a consistent tone of voice, yelling is threatening, mumbling or a low tone is unclear, a soft, clear tone allows for your message to be heard.
• Listen! Listening is an important part of a healthy conversation, it allows you to be aware of your partner’s needs and helps you to respond effectively.
• Be aware of your emotions- if you are really angry it might be better to let some time pass and collect your thoughts, if you are sad or hurting it might be better to take care of yourself before communicating to someone else.
• Restate your important points: When you are finished talking before ending restate your most important point to ensure your listener understands.

Some common communication blockers:

• Anger
• Not listening
• Yelling
• Being distracted
• Frequent interruptions (i.e. the phone ringing and you answering)
• Assuming that you understand even when you don’t! Ask questions
• Denying or minimizing your needs, saying that everything is o.k. even when it isn’t.

What is the difference between fighting and problem solving?

Fighting and arguing is closed communication, blame is usually present and no positive outcome is in sight.
Problem solving acknowledges that there is a challenge and both parties can contribute to the outcome.

Problem solving checklist

1. Identify the problem: ask yourself what am I struggling with?

2. Brainstorm: think of possible solutions and write them down

3. Safety: ask yourself which solutions are the safest?

4. Consequences: think about the possible outcomes

5. Choose! Pick a solution you will try

6. Go ahead! Implement the solution

7. Evaluate: always check back, is the solution you picked working? If not start again

* remember pick only one problem at a time, you will not succeed if you tackle too many problems at once.

Our Vision

To encourage women to continue in their education in order to promote self worth. To increase the safety and well being of women who have been in relationships, or are currently in relationships, where there exists woman abuse. To facilitate understanding and awareness of the impact of violence on a woman’s life-course, including education, employment and economic independence. To hold the woman abuse perpetrator, not the victim, responsible for the violence and for stopping it.

© 2006 Bridges